We have done this twice and got it wrong twice
Posted as twice_badly
- Looking for
- a third person who will benefit from our two failures
- Experience
- Together thirteen years, two attempts at a third, both ended badly.
- Around
- the 18th, Paris
The first time we did not talk about jealousy at all, because we did not think we would feel any, and it ended in four months with somebody hurt who did not deserve it. The second time we talked about jealousy constantly and about everything else not at all, and it ended in seven months with a different person hurt in a different way.
We are forty two and forty four, in Paris, together thirteen years, and I lead and he does not.
We are writing this post the way we are because we think an honest account of two failures is more useful to you than a description of what we want. What we want is fairly ordinary: a submissive woman, for something long, that starts as friendship and becomes more only when everybody is sure.
What we have learned, and would do differently: everything gets discussed with all three people present, not two of us deciding and one being told. Nobody is anybody's guest. There is a regular conversation about how it is going that happens whether or not anything is wrong. And the third person has a right to a relationship with each of us separately.
We are aware that a post which opens by admitting we hurt two people is a strange advertisement. We would rather you knew. We would want to write for a long time and meet several times before anything at all. We are in no hurry whatsoever and neither of us is getting any younger, and we have decided we would rather be slow than sorry a third time.