We do not agree about how far this should go, and we are posting
Posted as we_argue_constantly
- Looking for
- another couple patient enough to talk while we work it out
- Experience
- Together twelve years, four of them having the same argument.
- Around
- the north zone, Rio de Janeiro
Most couples on boards like this present themselves as a settled unit with an agreed position. We are not that, and after four years of pretending we might become it before posting, we have decided to be honest instead.
Thirty five and thirty eight, north zone, together twelve years. He wants to meet other people and has wanted it for four years. She is interested and cautious and has moved perhaps a third of the distance in that time, which he finds slow and she finds reckless. Neither of us is wrong. That is the difficult part. There is no version of this where one of us is being unreasonable and the other one wins.
What we have agreed on is this: we will talk to another couple, at length, in public, several times, with no expectation of anything, and see what the conversations do to the argument. That is genuinely the whole plan. If it turns out she does not want to go further, that will be the answer and he has accepted it in advance.
We would want a couple who have been through something like this rather than a couple who arrived already agreeing about everything, because the second kind cannot help us. She leads at home, which surprises people given the above.
Not looking for anybody who will try to talk her round, and he has agreed to end any conversation where that starts. Not looking for a single person. Not looking to be anybody's project.