Asexual, and this is the actual shape of what I want, not a starting position
Posted as no_sex_at_all
- Looking for
- authority, ritual and service, with nothing sexual at any point
- Experience
- Nine years, two dynamics on these terms, one of them three years.
- Around
- the north shore, Sydney
No sex. Not later, not once we are comfortable, not as something to revisit in six months. I am asexual, I have known for a long time, and what I want from this is entirely about power and attention and has nothing to do with the other thing.
Forty four, the north shore, switch, nine years in. Explaining this is about eighty percent of my experience of boards like this one. People are almost always polite about it and then almost always treat it as an opening position. It is not. It is the actual shape of what I want.
What I do want: authority, structure, ritual, service, and the particular quality of attention that comes from somebody taking you seriously over a long stretch of time. Both directions. When I lead I am formal and demanding. When I do not, I am obedient in a way people find unnerving.
I have had two dynamics that worked exactly like this, one of them three years long. Neither person was asexual. Both said afterwards that the constraint had made them better at the parts they used to rush past.
Not looking for anybody who wants to be understanding about it. Not looking to educate anybody about asexuality as a subject. Not looking for the message that opens by saying you have never tried it that way and are curious, which arrives about once a fortnight.