An independent field handbook · Non-explicit · Adults 18+

BDSM Dating

The practical handbook for meeting kinky partners, online and off

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Dominants North York, Toronto

Engineer. Yes, there is a document. No, you do not have to like it

Posted as agreement_v_four

Looking for
a submissive who will read four pages and argue with two of them
Experience
Fourteen years, and two things that failed over an unspoken assumption.
Around
North York, Toronto

There is a document. It is four pages, it has a version number, and my last partner had notes on it that improved it considerably. I am aware of how this sounds and I have decided to lead with it rather than spring it on somebody in week three.

Thirty nine, North York, dominant, an engineer by trade and by temperament. What is in the document: what we are doing, what we are not doing, how either of us stops something, what happens afterwards, how often we review it, and what the exit looks like if one of us wants out. It is not a contract in the theatrical sense. There is nothing in it about ownership or eternity. It is closer to terms of reference for a project, and it exists because I have twice watched something good come apart over an assumption that nobody had said out loud.

Some people find this unromantic. My experience has been the opposite. Once the boring parts are settled, everything after them is much freer, because neither of us is quietly negotiating in the middle of something.

What I want: one submissive, long term, weekly if the geography allows. I am in North York and I can host.

Not looking for anybody who wants to be swept along. Not looking for somebody who agrees to every line, because that tells me they did not read it. Not looking for a person who needs me to be unpredictable in order to believe it is real.

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